Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2
There are some things in this world that are just plain wrong. Karaoke. Deep-fried twinkies. Really obese women that wear baby tees. Towering above them all (or is that scraping the bottom below?) is Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2. Yes, it is the end of summer when studios dump their cinematic excrement onto the unsuspecting public, but this was an especially bad week that yield this piece of junk and Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid. Why do these sequels even exist? There was nothing in Anaconda or Baby Geniuses that merited a sequel. Neither made much money. Both weren't very good (okay, Anaconda was trashy fun). Sony Pictures made this film, but apparently even they knew how bad it was. They resurrected a dead production company, Triumph Films, to distribute it. Hey, it was the quickest way to avoid any connection with the film. Baby Geniuses was bad enough to be offensive, and one can argue that people actually lose brain cells by watching it. So it's a pretty amazing feat that Superbabies is even worse than the first movie.
The only reason to watch this movie is if one needs to catch up on their sleep. It is so boring that it should probably qualify as a humane tranquilizer that doctors can use to knock people out. Or, they could build a contraption that holds people's eyelids open and use this film to torture them a la A Clockwork Orange. Young children are the intended audience, but even they will probably scratch their heads in confusion at this "movie." The premise is that babies speak their own language. It sounds like baby talk to everybody else, but it's not. Kahuna, a legendary baby, well, more of a toddler, is fighting against Bill Biscane (Jon Voight, The Manchurian Candidate, Holes), who wants to use television ton control the minds of babies everywhere.
Kahuna enlists the help of a bunch of other babies, all under the care of Stan Bobbins (Scott Baio, Dumb Luck, Fresh Face), Jean (Vanessa Angel, The Perfect Score, Sabretooth), and their niece Kylie (Skyler Shaye, Manhood, The Prince and the Surfer). Now Scott Baio - wow that is really pathetic. Anyways, the babies, once stuck in some random merry-go-round-like machine, become superheroes. They can shoot arrows, lift lots of weight, or just bounce around. It's up to them to stop Biscane. Aside from the fact that it's pretty dumb watching babies speak like hip adults, and there is something inherently creepy about watching them do things adults do, nearly every aspect of Superbabies is poor. The screenplay by Gregory Poppen (Little Insects, The Million Dollar Kid) based on a story by Steven Paul (Baby Geniuses, The Protector) is atrocious and filled with too many lame attempts at jokes. Direction by Bob Clark (Now and Forever, Baby Geniuses) is laughable.
Here's how to improve this movie. Peter Wingfield (Catwoman, X2) once had a role as an immortal in the Highlander syndicated series. He should transfer his Highlander character to Superbabies, pull out his sword, and begin decapitating people. Voight has the dubious distinction of being in both Anaconda and Superbabies. If only that snake would come and eat up some of the characters here. Hey, it could be done in such a way that it was funny instead of horrific or scary. Now that would be a movie worth watching. As it stands right now, one could get more out of watching the wall than watching Superbabies.
|Haro Rates It: Really Bad.|
|1 hour, 30 minutes, Rated PG for action violence and some rude humor.|
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