What do photogenic young stars do after they get a big hit? They take parts in small independent films to establish the fact that they can be more than pretty little people. When they do this, it's all about the movies they choose. Everybody made a horrible mistake with London, a nearly unwatchable movie primarily about an annoying man whining in the bathroom and snorting cocaine. Six months ago, Syd (Chris Evans, Fantastic Four, Cellular) and London (Jessica Biel, Stealth, Blade: Trinity) had a very nasty breakup. Syd learns that London is moving across the country, and her good-bye party is tonight. She didn't invite him, but he still makes it to the party.

Hunter Richards, who wrote and directed the movie, often flashes back to 'happier times.' In the good times, Syd and London frolic around nearly nude. For most of the other times, Syd grills London about alleged infidelities. He's paranoid about every meal, phone call, and probably every glance she has with other men. Many of the flashbacks are of the two arguing. Syd yells at London, and London yells at Syd, and none of it is meaningful in any way whatsoever. Six months later, Syd is still trying to get over London. He invites his dealer friend Bateman (Jason Statham, The Pink Panther, Transporter 2) to the party. Bateman is reluctant, but eventually agrees.

In the present, a steady stream of attractive women stop by to snort coke and have pseudo-intellectual discussions about God, deviant sexual practices, impotence, and other random things. Maya (Kelli Garner, Man of the House, Thumbsucker) is fifteen-year-old jailbait, and Mallory (Joy Bryant, The Skeleton Key, Get Rich or Die Tryin') is the hot bartender who wants to have sex with Batman. Both go for the coke, and leave after Syd continues to yell and scream and act like a fool. He keeps questioning them about London's new boyfriend, and soon drives them from the room. He also manages to drive viewers out of theaters. Syd paces back and forth, wanting to speak with Syd, but not sure about what he wants to say.

The simple fact is that it is not fun watching somebody whine for ninety-two minutes. It is worse when said person is an idiot. Yes, London did cheat on Syd, but this is far into their relationship, after his continual questioning of her fidelity. Richards doesn't produce a reason why their love was so great, so there's nothing for the viewer to grasp onto. If anything, Richards creates an entire slew of unlikable people, so empathizing with anybody becomes difficult. London is frustrated that Syd refuses to profess his love for her. Their arguments are shrill, loud, and yet another reason to leave the theater. Syd's drug and alcohol induced bathroom ramblings are superficial and lame, and any attempts by Richards to look into events with insight utterly fail.

Mongoose Rates It: Really Bad.
1 hour, 32 minutes, Rated R for strong sexual content, pervasive language and drug use, and some violence.

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